Sunday, May 15, 2011

w.w.l.d.?*

photo borrowed from this site

Did you know that Judgement Day is scheduled for May 21, 2011?   On that date, it is believed by many that those who are True Believers will be physically transported to Heaven in the Rapture to be judged by God for their Good Deeds. The rest of us have already been deemed incorrigible and will be left behind to experience The End Of The World As We Know It. 


photo borrowed from these folks

This all sounds fine to me. However, I do have a few questions, like:
  • What time will the Rapture occur?   I'd really rather not be out on the road when all those True Believers are transported out of their cars to rise up to Heaven. 
  • Will dead people really rise from their graves first?   This could make one heckuva mess. 
  • When the Last Trumpet sounds to call all the faithful, what happens to the faithful who are deaf?   Maybe the Lord will have hand signals or flashing lights or something. 
  • What will happen to all the pets?
The last question really is valid. What will happen to all the poor pets who have no souls? Is there a doggie heaven? Could the faithful really leave their pets to perish in all good conscience?

*What Would Lassie Do?

These questions have been nagging at me, so I've looked into this matter, and I've found that there is actually an organization devoted solely to the care of pets left behind in the Rapture. It seems a group of dedicated animal lovers, who also happen to be confirmed card-carrying atheists, are offering to adopt (for a small fee, of course) the pets of Christians expected to be transported to Heaven.
Eternal Earth Bound Pets are currently active in 26 states, now including even Illinois and Iowa. Unfortunately, they are not equipped to to accommodate all species and limit their services to dogs, cats, birds, rabbits and small caged mammals. (Sorry, no reptiles!) If you live in NH, VT, ID or MT, they can now also offer rescue services for horses, camels, llamas and donkeys.
They do have a few conditions, such as:
  •  If  subscriber loses his/her faith and/or the Rapture occurs and subscriber is not Raptured (aka  is "left behind") EE-BP disclaims any liability; no refund will be tendered. 
  • Should a relative residing within the rescue location not be Raptured and opts to retain the pet(s), EE-BP will not take possession of the pet(s).  No refund will be tendered. 
So, now our Christian friends can be swept up in the Rapture with a clear conscience, knowing their beloved pets will be cared for... 



And me? Well, all I can say is, it's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine.


Disclaimer: I'm pretty sure Eternal Earthbound Pets has never heard of me, and this is not an endorsement of their services.

3 comments:

Aunt Snow said...

Well, it just goes to show you, there's a niche for everything.

Hilarious!

Sharyn said...

Can I just ask: how did you happen upon this organization?

cactus petunia said...

Way, Way, WAY too much internet surfing!