Saturday, October 4, 2008

wink wink, nudge nudge...

I've been trying for weeks now to wrap my brain around the Sarah Palin nomination, but no matter how hard I try, gosh darn it, I just can't for the life of me figure out why John McCain would choose as his running mate a rookie governor with almost no real world experience outside of Alaska.

Is it possible that serving as mayor of a small town (pop. 9,000) and briefly as governor of a state whose entire population is smaller than Charlotte, NC gives her a unique perspective among politicians?

Perhaps being geographically situated next door to Canada gives her all the foreign policy experience required by an assistant Commander in Chief?

Or could it be that McCain is thinking a Vice President with good aim who can field dress a moose just might come in handy in case of trouble with the Democratic House and Senate?

It just doesn't make sense. Unless McCain has suddenly developed a case of dementia, I reckon it's all just a big mistake. So after consuming several glasses of wine and surfing the internet for hours, I've come to the conclusion that this must be what happened: Sometime in August after a very long day on the campaign trail, John McCain sits down in front of the TV to enjoy a large bowl of wife Cindy's famous Passion Fruit Mousse (an old McCain family recipe). With a mouth full of mousse, the maverick senator yells at his campaign manager to "Get me Palin!" His trusty campaign manager then kicks turns to a nearby aide and yells, "You heard him, he wants Palin!". The aide in turn, bitch slaps an unpaid intern mucking the horseshit out of McCain's closet, and tells him "The Senator's eating mousse. He wants Palin. Get him Palin!"

This particular intern, still smarting after an unfortunate incident involving recipe research, sees his chance to get back into McCain's good graces. He now understands the importance of fieldwork in politics, and is determined to complete this task with the utmost professionalism and meticulous attention to detail. Upon careful analysis of the aide's order, he googles "Palin, moose", and concludes that the senator wished to discuss the campaign ticket with Alaska's Governor Sarah Palin (moose hunter and hockey mom). He calls the press secretary, who leaks the news to the press, who then descend upon Wasilla in helicopters like bounty hunters going after wolves.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch...the maverick senator is still waiting for the Monty Python video he asked for.


And now for something completely different.


Avanti Avanti said...

Your mind never ceases to amaze me! Python, palin, mousse, moose...
God bless you Ms Cactus Petunia, you make me laugh.

Sarah Palin, a terrifying choice - that's what I need to write on my car bumper.

I watched the debate and thought each time they flipped back between Biden and Palin, Joe must have been switching channels from the VP debate to some beauty pageant contestant.

She had all the depth of a Miss America contestant, all the glam and all the wink. She sparkled, sassed, slighted, slid, slipped up and satisfied herself, giving only satisfaction to the small single minded mentally challenged conservative base that stirs around her.

The rest of us pray we will wake from this strange nightmare where a hockey mom, with a custom made Austrian rifle winks at us, while repeating the word maverick ten times. Then the camera pans back and we see she is seated behind the desk in the oval office. She turns to a man in the doorway saying; "First dude, give me a kiss."

In the background music plays and Judi Collins sings - "That's right it's come to this. It's come to this. And wasn't it a long way down? And wasn't a strange way down?"

San Diego Momma said...

That scenario by far makes more sense than ANYTHING I've come up with to date.

I'm going with it. This urban legend is gonna sweep the Internet, just you wait!

g said...

My take on Sarah Palin is - if you have to go on TV or in front of an audience and tell everyone that you're a maverick? You probably aren't.

I admit I'm an Obama supporter, but for goodness sake - even Republicans should be insulted that McCain passed up so many good VP candidates to pick her.

It's like picking Sanjaya.

Mrs. G. said...

Darned right I think the Republicans have flipped their lids...dontcha know.

foolery said...

She is a "managed" choice, in the same vein as managed health care. It's a quick Band-Aid to shore up the split in the seams of the party, and it largely worked. Sadly, easy and glamorous choices often DO work, in the short run.

I Stumbled this. You rock, Miss Petunia. :)

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cactus petunia said...

Thanks for the warning, Anonymous. I'll keep my eye out for those signs, but right now the only ones I see say, "detour."

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